choice fetches up
functional
unity of the futureless
speaking memory into flesh
red velvet tart
uncultivated
porch charcuterie
ditch gigging
sea in her hands moon in her hair
community standards
shaving sugar for coffee
you swim with gators don't you
cold what swims within
rising through tannin waters tea coffee or
poultice delicate buoyancy something
that needs feeding sunning
slick logged snags strain creek shade
is a treasure shade with a breeze off water
we become the text what also swims toothy
languid in mangrove roots
there was a parable or two a long discourse in the rookery
plumage sun broiled not all who fall from the nest
end up in that water of hunger
sly possum found the lord cut her hair
said she liked girls
it wasn't what they thought but it got her out
white coat shaking her hand
calling from pay phone
across street from the mental health unit
still my bitch ain't you
as if some black robe with their thirty days eval
could change that
finish it finish it finish it
you know the song
or you don't having tasted shards of lightning slivers
of moonlight or not
frying drumsticks gizzards dressing in the oven
white acre peas on the back burner food security now
amplifier of that life outrunning our own shadows
outrunning curvature coast to coast
living in the glare of the redemptionless
said she needed a piece for self defense
intimate language of departures
we carry weight till it is weight no more worn
abraded into absence only memory remains
another left alone at water's edge voiceless sky
empty azure unyielding another departure
only by our own hand are we ever free
you swim in the Gulf don't you
only time we went to the beach as girls
as if our kind weren't bound to salt water
relentless as wave soft as tide
the only beasts we fear are primates
learning to swim in dark waters it's the light
where it all takes place once they lay hands on you
illumination a necessity
room without furniture 24hr incandescence white shirts white
coats mattress on linoleum another shared
waypoint the road to perdition ain't the stroll
wading out holding hands she made me promise
to never quit for real
baby it's endless
eyes of wave of sea of horizon shelf cloud
closing far sooner than we thought another name
dropped in the bucket sugar you gotta be slick
wired tight
never mind the cost the wear
of motion windworn sun damaged
fence climbing days long gone we endure
cutting edge somewhat blurry angles not what they should be
we endure once slow dancing beneath oranges bougainvillea
she said my slick silly possum
you can carry the weight babe pour that pain out onto the sand
the only way is through the aquifer
that's the way we left it both thinking only one of us
would make it
neither thinking
it would not be her
tyranny of the construct swallowing
and is swallowed we've heard this song
beforetimes text remains same
no denial that is not repetition
yet again
no ruins here only remnants
only what couldn't be bulldozed
assimilation was a dividing line
requirement of care
Tabitha ate one for that
drove to the causeway .38 in the glove box
we say her name as invocation benediction curse
meaningless we say her name alone
being all that's left such as we were nameless
houseless so much that cannot be said
not for lack of words but translation
from within this common tongue textures
of experience we are burnished into opaqueness
a kettle simmered we dipped our cups and were changed
black robes handing down death to the proscribed
white coats harvesting our bodies for community care
privilege swims in a different river we were drawn from sea
estuary endless grass flats
the one who does nothing buckler to the cutting hand
the indifferent are no less merciless
we have nothing but sand pine palmetto burning heart
verdure incandescent if it's coming down to attrition
then we're fucked
there is no dialog with the hangman
slabbed out oak cribbed for cook fire
threading the needle till worn into absence
say my name was her parting shot
heading out for smokes tall boy papers
maybe the meaninglessness was the point
tyranny of form horizon beyond wave
a single voice unaccompanied song of naming of defiance
of burning of burning
flower resinous with memory
ash all we bequeath
holding hands on the courthouse steps
construct of meaning
widens the eye
we strain
we hold
the hit
privilege of being made into a candle
rendered down for a flame
wick twisted words spill from our burning
memory centers stillness
like any old wood frame house built on sand
structure itself was night noisy right angles yielding
other dimensions prevailing
leveling lack of light
shifts focus
bird nightsong
moon bright breezeway jalousies
bar light on linoleum
breathing some smooth some struggling fans
oscillating subsidence gurgling
it was not alchemy of slim jims and tall boys
we were not taught a mother tongue
tree frogs have come to live in the taro now we are illegal
in several states now we are illegal
as if we haven't always been illegal
the road to perdition is just a stroll
some have their voices taken some sell theirs
from behind locked doors
we have learned watching our jailers
who controls name controls narrative
hydraulics
or mechanicals what bends body to will is a word
there was a time moon through a high window
24hr light
bandaged arm
paper nightgown
mattress on linoleum without even a name for who or what
nothing ever enters that numbness no needle will dig out
that thorn clarity of choil and edge
an expanse of sawgrass azure unyielding
cabbage palm occasional cloud folded
in a medium ribcage walking
out of that room required a name
unuttered walking out of that room
required intention
to be visible to taste lightning
sachet
sashay we enclose bundle up
fragrances and spent bouquets of our dancing
frenetic whipsaw of cicadas crow in pine mockingbird
singing from telephone pole this is what we get
for enduring chopping pine roots
in the lee of the house
digging beds for sweet potatoes bananas
a large turtle
has come to lay her eggs
beneath bougainvillea
wild taro blooming showing
first pups
the indifference of plants
is its own sanctuary
a linear thought sidles up to the trough
desperate blades gathering into susurration
eyes whetstone slick
wicked as day goes
relentless in its repetition of departures
once you board that bus same as ever
65$ one way anywhere in the lower 48
pay your fare take your seat and vanish
only what you can carry no checked baggage
smoking states filterless fried chicken fried chicken
burgers coffee
black peanut butter crackers
sugar the only sweetness left
every destination a blurred edge
every smoke incantation every arrival
another pass on the stone
points north and west
not yet dangling
feet on the floor
not yet smoke
pouring words onto sand
not yet ash
as dosage diminishes
voice demands
a tally of weight what is mine what is yours
certainly no candles or little flags
downriver downriver eventually the Gulf
expanding dead zone despair liquidity
if it comforts you
pour another aperitif of hope
wash your hands and face purchase tickets for the next vacation
what we are confronted with
is not a garment to be discarded
accelerant has me by wrist and throat we bend
chopping candles better to bury my light
this frequency wire coiled incandescent
suspended within glass tongue of light
child grows into the drumming
learns to wield all the implements hidden in drawers
sharpened on old crockery drawing wire out of the edge
curl of breath juicing the light
somewhere parades fine things said
another fine commentary 24
days of meds not yet dangling
not yet ash feet on the floor
mirror licking finality stares back fragrance
of despair found in empty bottles
amber carcasses shitcanned in a steady recalculation
down in it not yet dangling not yet
consumed
consider how we sought knowledge along the creek
in the ferns consider how it found us
how we were culled
sly possum read the parable
crossed the creek on a log
it felt right nice early in the morning
clear smoke of a steady hand
moss tendrilled lingering bark soft footed
possum sussed sand oak canopy crossing
passing over sleeping dogs unattended cooker
living outside saucy red bellied woodpecker blue jay
neighbors that mattered the best commentary
for a cook barred owls call and response
skink flipping leaves fish in hot fat
shrimp boil some dancing
peeling pinks debating green onions
serranos fats for frying puppies
road of oyster shell sand oak
seeking instruction finding nothing not open sourced
care was cash only
wading mangrove shade to shade
mosquitoes sometimes ferocious you could not cut
a straight line through that tangle
better to follow a creek or two
destination revealing itself
it's a sickness later they said you
are the sickness this also passed for care then
we diminish driven from flesh and bone
till we can see ourselves corporeal cornered
time slips into low gear anticipation has such certainty
in a thicket of definition
they called it deprogramming or rule of law
what they meant was property rights
sickness is the dog that bites from behind
sickness insufficient in density for pestilence
sickness is how you are stripped reduced
whatever you have made taken another menace
demanding eradication
tribulations interior scattering spun up
we lived outside for a while
humidity seeps into everything ants relentless
with food box when calculating margins
there's no accounting for how fast we fell off the page
storms thunder heavy pine buttressed
old dog wants dinner early head in my lap
shoulder in the oven all day
we lived without a stove for a while
cooking on a pair of burners under a tarp
dry bag for our meds
noseeum netting worth gold
minimalist babe
packed and gone in half an hour
a tail for another bucket
motion is the lotion
if you didn't learn to run from someone
what a joy that life
momentum is everything
measure calculated from within flow
it gets inside your head and crawls round
minimal in all things reduced to voice and shadow
we hold to the old fuels kerosene wood
the heart thumping along
in a world lit by live wire we sit by candle
singing of the forgotten not everyone crosses
these slow dark rivers
pine shadowed
oak tongued voices
lingering on the waters
when you're a legal bitch
tea coffee sugar cooking oils rice fluffy
stone ground cornmeal what some call food security
a different absolution what some call absolution a different
collar to never be real is to have been nothing at all
one construct collapsing into another a replication of self
the days soup brought up to simmer
to have been in care was to know how easily
repatriation could occur an insecurity without end
we made a game of it
to live nameless is to gamble with probability
no encounter with the law can be risked ever
understanding there are people who will not
sell you was a necessary step
getting your name getting your ticket punched
even then form remains fluid
we were air layered
heeled out left to our own
the old plant long gone
learning to climb oak and pine
escaping through the canopy
we learned to fade twist run and run
carry only what you can climb a fence with
taking our names from places we had never been
things we could never be songs that were never about us
for kicks since we'd all been in care
meds dispensed in little paper cups
a cocktail tray of blind shots pharmaceuticals
mostly ludes vals poppers to get the ball rolling
pig or princess turntable funk
dance till you fall out dance till it's time to fuck
burning flower till dawn burning burning burning
when we came out what we called ourselves
was what we did not who we were
nameless even then chiffon gossamer
worn sheer this form jumble of shards cracked
glass honey lips we offered all at the moment of utterance
in that place where words burn
incandescent tide rolling through turtle grass
of Gulf of empty skies neon lights strolling
crew of necessity offering ourselves
pelicans egrets we stood alone singing to sea and wave
scars were not bone deep flesh made new
bright tongued
a song of naming of defiance of memory
of loss and loss of beginning of how each day
self reconstitutes self tide of memory
running clear scour is how we define
this space all our selves come together
place without devotions or litanies
without substance or name
form collapsing
into this sea this ocean volatile
unseen uncontained
if you haven't been in that moment
by whatever means necessary
you don't have fuck all to say
there were several of us knowing cutting
talked all that nihilistic trash
but of the whole crew none but the cook
believed they were futureless
but of the whole crew none but the cook
was left pestilence and lead had done for the rest
it's not exceptional to find yourself in a place without words
to step off the line not even a by your leave
we carry weight till it is weight no more breathing
soft as cotton slow slow so cool cane syrup not so sweet
as each breath coughs up something we thought
was pain but only time nearness of dream tap running dry
she said if you won't live for yourself who are you
living for
we float on the surface of different waters saltier by far
she said if you step away from the edge we could stop running
as if there wasn't a .45 in her pack in case of extremity
a girl has to be able to say no
it's true all she wanted was a place of our own
this is the hour of the triton that is the time of horse conch
whelk starfish vanished bone chewed waves spry
light unfolds from a sidetable decanting tide
it was plush salt on our skin mourning doves
calling from palmetto sand gets everywhere
we slept in a tent tomorrow was a promise for others
there were no box meals cigarette smoke
lingering at the screen wind off Gulf tarp singing
thread spinning off a spool we were the entanglement
burnt smell before impact needle pricking thumb
need so great as if the dead were still singing
not mourning doves mockingbird we defined ourselves
as birds once spoonbill osprey snakebird pelican
we were frying plantains rice fragrant kitchen
she said when your granny started teaching you to cook
was it love or free labor
when you started cutting did you ever think
you'd make a living with blade and fire
meat and salt
meat and salt
she said what's to stop you from stepping off the edge
just for kicks eyes of wave eyes of glyph eyes of sea
some departures are smaller than others
some scars are bone deep will not answer
voices lost in wave action voices lost
voices bound to wind to shell
to the interior curvature
of absence
it's a shitty way to earn your thirty pieces
but the girl on the phone was sweet when the clinic
dropped me from care not taking appointments
for the foreseeable future getting thrown to the wolves
should require a more menacing emissary
years ago it was all sorts of illegal relentlessly repetitive
sardines and crackers vibe house so shifty turntable
needed leveling daily thunder on horizon slippers
slithering on pine floors burnished tobacco
ceiling fan thwacking away at humidity
then as now just less limber
then as now with ac
only the gross matter in motion laboring matters
or what can be rendered from carcasses
sold out by another institution so predictable
mercenary world of white coats
to be less than is to be rid of obligation
wick or candle if you're going to burn
for the light of others
perhaps not
flights are boarding the grand tour continues
another vacation will cure what ails
there are no talismans for this place no shells
painted with names or dolphins keychains coffee cups
debarkation is to arrive without agency or voice
a new day same day repetition reveals pattern
all our invocations are a plea for lightning longing
for arson sand thrown upon sand all our dreams
emptiness of conflagration all our words remnants
cinder ash fading heat tar fragrant
sand gets everywhere
when you wake on this shore
sniffed over like any other carcass
water is first then shelter all the answers
are lies
all the answers are lies
watch the susurration feel
the feeding
sea in her hands moon in her hair
the way she said child as if May
didn't come before
August as if 6 before 9
wasn't calculated the same
end of month biscuits being cheaper
than sliced bread
turned out onto board worked as little as can be
some of our prayers are round some square
she was of alabaster taller blonder thin and thick
angular the direct approach precise fingers
in my mouth words in my ear
working with your hands they can come to resemble tools
most of the burns faded scars linger longest
blade bites deepest with fatigue
selling the body one station at a time
how all the edges honed to spine
steel rat tails
some of us are only salvage old files
worked into new blades some are only a dialogue
threadworn hardly pulling on the sheet
some became as thin as the line pulled by black skimmer
gone with the next wave some forgot their names
or the fruit fell early
some of us are lifted from the tide
she has done most of the lifting
some of us have tasted what settles in the jaw
tongue eating iron the old bitter of bolted greens
we have shared that bowl
some of us are not for the weak hearted
she's one of those a different flame
than what ran from the match
we shared a smoke dankness in our shade
holding hands the day the judge granted my name
it was if breathing could begin food actually tasted
some of us having put our hands in fire
for love and cash have learned to listen
for that flowering have learned to sing
of that flowering she has taught me that as well
that the day is never enough never enough
that emptiness is less than
this certainty
triumphant as any mockingbird on a fence post
swinging tail feathers choking down a saucy lizard
pink as any spoonbill grooming in mangrove
sky of guava cotton stacked to horizon
shiftless wind tumbles windows
abundantly luscious
sustained by shrimp cuban bread sweet black coffee
guava turnovers cukes tomatoes
you gotta talk nice to your stove and not wail
on pot rims with your frickin spoon
some rules are harmless enough
you can't walk back the hurt you've laid on another
seems intuitive
but we are told to be patient always urging patience
as meds dwindle
without white coats and such
we are told to leave
as if we weren't born here as if it isn't a cleansing
a brief interlude spectacle for vacationers
the whole colonial enterprise built on such eradications
yet again tenderness will be demanded of us
of us not for us
yet again the wholesome will remind
how we've survived much worse
news to my ass
which is not to say worse wasn't there
pain can't be quantified
seems intuitive
yet here we are
breakfast coffee walking an old dog
marked for extermination by those of book
and cloth
we are without prayer or litanies
the edge is a continuum curving choil to tip
one constant and only rule
by our own hand
the hangman has our names
weightless as we are
not yet dangling not yet consumed
we have endured having seen hope
dumped in a shallow grave as children
convert or die a frail ultimatum
for those the living was never meant for
yet here we are understanding
either hand wields blade
or blade wields hand
being of the laceration we have no fear
restraint
has always been the struggle
empathy an exotic construct
for those the living
was never meant for
breath
leaving no reflection
when you hear us singing
no more than wind in pines
wind in pines
we are not the sisters who went before
pouring out a different offering to tide
shell tumbled shore spitting out fishbones
exoskeletons lost egg packages
there was singing through mangrove upcreek
snakebirds unfolding awnings
each day waking blade tongued limbered
to run and run till running be done
a woman teaching to sharpen a kitchen knife
on the unglazed foot of a serving bowl
filling the upturned well with water
sometimes it's not what you know
it's what you're willing to learn
remember the angle on the belly
don't bear down so hard
smooth gets the cutting tooth
now we'll start with onions
a bag a day keeps the line
fat and sassy
it is never possible to sleep alone
with this many ghosts in your head
a quickness come untethered
each voice putting its bit in the kettle
cooking parts will at least get you a broth
we'll fry most anything at least once
there was some talk of a breeze
shrimp under oaks someone singing of sugar
the elegance of form cannot be contained
by structure what lives within time cannot be bound
by words breath not being deep enough
time of hand is not time of eye
past horizon deep in the Gulf simmering
another flowering
rookeries long gone plumage mangrove lost for a view
we can expect no less for even less
leaving such markers as we can
on this wrecker's shore
